It is not new news that children on the autism spectrum typically have difficulty with communicating and socializing. This, in fact, is criteria for obtaining an autism diagnosis. Many times parents notice these differences as first signs that their child may not be developing along the typical developmental sequence. Parents may notice difficulty connecting with their child or that their child seems to enjoy playing with objects more than playing with them.
Parents notice difficulties in relationships first because having a relationship with your child is such a desired aspect of having a child! As a parent, you love your child so much, and you are always striving for him to know just how much you love him, so of course when that love seems to go unnoticed, it leaves a parent concerned and desiring to find a way to have her child be able to reciprocate.
The relationship is what drives the DIR philosophy. The R in DIR stands for RELATIONSHIP! Helping a child to stay regulated and engaged in order to interact and communicate is the foundation of the DIR approach, and it is a beautiful thing to watch a child grow and expand his interest in the people in his life. To only redirect behaviors or ensure compliance is not typically what people look forward to in the role of parent, and while it is necessary, building safe relationships with your child is what allows the child to feel safe and secure to go into the world and build relationships with other people.
So how do you work on relationships with children? One of the most important aspects of building relationships is to find common ground and shared interests. Oftentimes children who are having challenges in relationships have limited or different interests, so instead of having the child join YOU, you have to join the CHILD. Finding shared joy in an object or game that the child loves helps the child to work within a familiar, comfortable activity on skills that may be more challenging for him, such as shifting attention between his favorite object and a person or connecting facial expressions to the emotions that underlie them. If the child loves roaring like a bear, then we have to love roaring like a bear, petting the bear, feeding the bear, and all the other things that the child likes to pretend to do as a bear. If the child loves stacking books, then we can love to stack our own books, color code them, and center them on top of each other.
It can be difficult to understand why a child enjoys an activity as much as he does, especially when it is repetitive and simple, and quite honestly, boring! For whatever reason, whether we see it or not, it is the child’s love, and it is the entrance into shared joy that allows for a deeper relationship with the child. Children tend to feel safe when participating in these favored activities, and when we not only allow them to continue them, but join them, the feeling of safety is even further enhanced. So, even when it is hard to do, get down on the floor with your child and see the world through his eyes.
For more information on DIR/Floortime, visit www.profectum.org.