Let’s face it—children can be MOODY! They want what they want, when they want it. Or maybe your child is the one who has a hard time getting going. It can be exhausting trying to motivate a child who can’t tune in or get with the program. And if you’re anything like me, you can probably remember a time (or two!) when you didn’t respond in the best way. Or maybe it’s hard to recall a time you actually felt like you got through to your child. Parenting is not for the faint of heart, and it can often feel like you’re stuck or unsure of what to do when your child isn’t cooperating or becomes overwhelmed by simple requests, like “eat your macaroni and cheese!”
While all children have periods of what we’ll call “moodiness,” some children have more significant difficulties regulating their emotions than others. These children may show more intense and frequent displays of anger, avoidance, refusal, or even combativeness. All children—especially toddlers and preschoolers—can have moments when they overreact to small events or requests. But if these overreactions happen several times a week and last longer than five to ten minutes, it might be time to explore why they’re occurring.
Even if your child is having frequent meltdowns, there are strategies that can help you support them and shift their behavior. One effective method is called counterbalancing—responding in a way that contrasts with your child’s current mood to help balance their emotions. As a parent and a pediatric occupational therapist, I use counterbalancing strategies all day long, and I can assure you they work. However, they do take some practice, so give yourself some grace as you get the hang of it.
What is Counterbalancing?
Picture an old-fashioned scale with two sides balancing weight. On one side, you have your child’s big emotions—frustration, anger, refusal—tipping the scale.
Let’s take the example of a toddler who’s refusing to put on their shoes to leave the house for daycare. They’re throwing themselves on the floor, screaming—can you picture it?
Now, as the parent, you have a choice. You can add more weight to your child’s side by reacting similarly: raising your voice, picking them up abruptly, threatening consequences, or over-explaining the situation. Or, you can choose to counterbalance their emotions. This involves:
- Getting on their level physically,
- Lowering the volume of your voice,
- Using fewer words,
- Validating their feelings, and
- Offering choices to help them feel more in control.
For example, you could calmly say, “You didn’t want to put on your shoes, huh? I can help with that.” Or you could shift the emotional tone by using humor: “Those shoes must not want to be on those stinky toes! P-U!” Adding a bit of humor can be an excellent way to lighten the mood. Giving your child two simple options—“You can put your shoes on here, or in the car”—allows them to feel like they have some control, which can also calm them down.
Counterbalancing Strategies for Heightened Emotions
When your child is experiencing strong emotions like anger, fear, or frustration, here are some tools to help balance their mood:
- Stay calm: Your calm demeanor can help regulate their emotions.
- Use a quiet, monotone voice: This reduces stimulation and tension.
- Get on their level physically: Sit or kneel next to them.
- Validate their feelings: Acknowledge their emotions by saying, “You are mad about that.”
- Give simple choices: Allow them to have a say in how an activity can be completed.
- Redirect with humor or another calming activity: Try using humor, offering a favorite book, or engaging in a calming task.
Counterbalancing for Zoned-Out or Less Responsive Children
Counterbalancing isn’t just for intense emotions. You can also use it with children who seem zoned-out or low-energy. In these cases, you want to energize them with more stimulating activities. Here are some strategies:
- Use sing-songy speech: A playful tone can grab their attention.
- Incorporate big movements: Dancing, jumping, or even exaggerated gestures can wake them up.
- Use enthusiastic language: Fun, animated speech and songs can help lift their energy.
Practice Makes Progress
Counterbalancing takes practice, but keeping these ideas in mind can help you stay focused and calm when your child gets into a mood. The more you practice, the more natural it will become.
If your child continues to have multiple outbursts or struggles to engage despite using counterbalancing techniques, it may be time to seek professional support. A pediatric occupational therapist can evaluate your child’s emotional regulation and develop strategies that are specific to their needs.
For more information, visit www.pediatricTLC.com or check out the Profectum Parent Toolbox.